Why Feeding Your Baby Feels Hard (And What You Can Do About It)
Feeding your baby can feel like one of the hardest things you’ve ever done. It’s exhausting, time-consuming, and is often painful. If you’ve been struggling with latch pain or feeding difficulties, you might be wondering: Why does this feel so hard? or What am I doing wrong?
Here’s the good news: feeding your baby isn’t supposed to hurt or be so stressful. In fact, breast/chestfeeding is a natural process that has helped mammals thrive for millions of years. So, why do humans struggle with it so much? Let’s break it down.
Why Does Feeding Hurt?
Humans are the only mammals who step in and help their babies latch. Most other animals let their young use their natural reflexes to find their food and feed. But we, with the best of intentions, often get in the way.
We swaddle our babies, squeeze our breasts/chests into “sandwiches,” and try to position everything perfectly. The result? We unintentionally interrupt our baby’s natural ability to use their reflexes, which are there to help them latch and feed without pain.
Without these reflexes, feeding can feel like a constant battle. Babies may fall onto the nipple instead of latching deeply, which can cause pain. They might seem fussy or frustrated because their body isn’t able to do what it’s naturally designed to do.
What Are Feeding Reflexes, and Why Do They Matter?
Feeding reflexes are movements your baby is born with to help them latch, suck, and swallow milk. But these reflexes do so much more than just help with feeding. They also help your baby’s brain and body work together.
💡 Reflexes in Action: Develop the muscles in their head, neck, and back to move easily.
💡 Reflexes in Action: Build connections between their mouth, hands, and whole body.
💡 Reflexes in Action: Support their nervous system, which helps them feel calm and safe.
If babies can’t use these reflexes—maybe because of how they’re positioned or because they need extra help—their development can be affected. Feeding difficulties and latch pain are often just the first signs that something isn’t working as it should.
Why Reflexive Feeding Helps Babies (and Parents) Feel Better
When babies can’t use their feeding reflexes, it can create a domino effect. Here’s how it happens:
- If your baby can’t move their head and neck comfortably, tummy time may feel unsafe or frustrating.
- This can make it harder for their body to develop the strength and flexibility it needs to meet important milestones, like sitting up or crawling.
- Without a sense of safety in their body, your baby might struggle to sleep without constant contact or wake up frequently. This can leave both of you feeling exhausted.
But here’s the thing: it doesn’t have to stay this way. Your baby’s brain and body are designed to learn and adapt. Whether your baby is a newborn or a few months old, it’s never too late to help them develop the reflexes they need for feeding—and everything else that comes next.
How to Make Feeding Easier (And Less Painful)
If feeding feels hard, it’s time to rethink how we’re supporting our babies during latching. Instead of jumping in to “fix” every latch, we can learn to work with our baby’s reflexes.
- Their hands, which may feel like they’re “in the way,” become tools to help them latch deeply.
- They open their mouths wide before latching, which helps prevent nipple pain.
- They latch more deeply, allowing their tongue and mouth to work the way they’re meant to.
The next time you are skin-to-skin with your baby in a comfortable, reclined position, pay attention to their reflexes and explore what they are actually capable of doing. See how far your baby can move to feed with gentle support to keep them safe, instead of doing it for them. Observe their muscles (and brain!) hard at work as they turn and lift their head, and open their mouth. You may find yourself in even more awe at how amazing your baby is.
Feeding isn’t just about getting milk—it’s a whole-body activity where your baby learns, moves, and grows. By stepping back and letting your baby take the lead, you might just find that feeding feels better for both of you.
What to Do Next
Feeding your baby isn’t supposed to hurt, and it’s not supposed to feel like a never-ending struggle. When you understand how feeding reflexes work, you can help your baby latch deeply and feed more easily. And the best part? It’s never too late to start.
Struggling with Latch Pain?
If latch pain or feeding challenges are making breastfeeding or chestfeeding feel overwhelming, my Reflexive™ Latching Guide is here to help. This step-by-step guide will show you how to work with your baby’s natural reflexes to get a deep, comfortable latch, so feeding feels better for both of you.
⭐ Click Here to Get a Better Latch
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