How to Get Your Baby to Open Wide for a Deep Latch

If your baby just won’t open their mouth wide—no matter how well you position them, how many times you try, or how many times you repeat the same latching steps over and over—it can make feeding time frustrating… and painful.

Without that wide-open mouth, you can’t get a deep latch—which means you're stuck in a cycle of shallow latching, nipple damage, and initial latch pain that can make breastfeeding feel miserable.

Whether your baby is a newborn or a few months old, how to fix a shallow latch always starts with helping them open wide. So let’s look at the most common reason babies don’t do that—and what you can do to help.

Opening Wide Isn’t Random

When you’re doing exactly what you’ve been told to get a deep latch—but your baby just won’t open wide like everyone says they should—it’s confusing. And when your baby slurps, sucks, or chews your nipple into their mouth instead? It makes latching miserable—because it hurts.

It’s frustrating because you know what needs to happen, but you don’t know what to do differently. And when your baby sometimes opens wide and sometimes doesn’t—even though you’re doing the exact same thing every time—it feels like nothing makes sense.

But here’s the secret: opening wide isn’t random. There’s an actual sequence at play.

Gaping is a very specific reflex that only activates when your baby is touched in just the right spot. And some babies? They’re a little more particular about how that cue gets delivered.

The good news? Once you understand how your baby responds—and what their body needs to trigger that reflex—helping them open wide gets a lot more predictable… and a whole lot easier.

This is what I call Reflexive Latching™—a natural, responsive way to help your baby use their own reflexes so they can open wide and get a deeper, more comfortable latch. It’s something I teach in nearly every support session because once parents understand it, everything starts to make more sense.

Feeding Is Reflexive

If your baby isn’t opening their mouth wide before they latch, it’s not because they’re being stubborn or lazy—and it’s definitely not because you’re doing something wrong. It usually comes down to one thing: their brain isn't getting the right information about feeding in the right order, and that’s what’s stopping them from opening wide.

The information your baby’s brain receives comes from the physical cues they get during latching. Just like you blink when something gets close to your eyes, your baby reflexively responds during feeding.

They’re born with a whole set of reflexes that help them feed. You’ve probably seen the rooting reflex, where your baby turns their head toward touch to line up their mouth with your nipple. But feeding involves several reflexes, all working together in a very specific order.

And that order matters. A lot. These reflexes don’t just help your baby feed—they help them stay safe. When they fire in sequence, they guide your baby to latch deeply, swallow safely, and breathe comfortably.

The amazing thing? You don’t have to teach your baby these patterns. Their brain is already wired to do this. And you don’t even have to cue every reflex—their feeding reflexes are naturally designed to trigger the next one in the sequence.

But when we (or the hospital nurse, or the YouTube video) teach latching in a way that accidentally interrupts that sequence, it can cause your baby to skip over a key reflex—like opening their mouth widely before they start to suck.

And that’s often where latch pain, shallow feeding, and all the frustration begin.

The “Open Your Mouth” Reflex

The reflex that tells your baby’s brain to open their mouth widely before latching? It’s triggered by firm contact on their chin—not by stroking their lips.

If you were taught to take your nipple and run it down their lips to get them to open—and your baby ends up slurping your nipple straight in?

They’re doing exactly what you told their brain to do. Because touching a baby’s lips cues the suck reflex, not the one that tells them to open wide.

If your baby isn’t opening wide, it’s likely because one of two things is happening:

• The cue to open wide was skipped completely
• The nipple touched their lips or mouth before the gape reflex had time to fire

Babies don’t remember the right order of events. They just respond to the most recent cue they get.

So if their lips or tongue get touched too soon, their brain shifts straight to sucking—and the chance for a deep, wide-open latch disappears.

Some babies? Their reflexes work together like a well-rehearsed orchestra. You don’t have to be exact—they just connect the dots. Those babies are the unicorns.

But other babies—especially those born a little early—are more like a class of third graders learning to play the recorder. They need a lot more precision to make everything work in the right order.

So latching reflexes can work together beautifully… but only if each cue comes at the right time.

If not? The whole process breaks down, and you end up with a shallow latch.

Helping Your Baby Open Wide

Now that you understand why your baby isn’t opening, let’s jump into the part that matters most—what to do differently to get the latch you’re looking for.

The goal is to make sure your baby’s feeding reflexes get cued in the right order.

Most breastfeeding latch tips focus on nipple aim or head support—but what really makes the difference is when you cue your baby’s reflexes in the right order.

There are lots of ways to do this—starting with letting your baby move down your body to latch and feed—but for this blog, we’ll focus on the parent-led latch, where you skip those first reflexes and start the feeding process by giving the first cue.

And you want that cue to trigger the gaping reflex. You can also start with the rooting reflex, but it’s easiest to start with the gaping reflex when you’re experimenting with this.

That happens by getting your baby positioned in a way that helps your baby’s chin get contact with your tissue and your nipple is above their mouth, so their brain gets the first cue and has time to respond before the suck cue.

For most people, this means sliding your baby back toward your hip so their bottom lip is closer to the outside edge of your areola and your nipple is well above their mouth—so your tissue doesn’t touch their lips at all until your nipple is already inside their wide-open mouth.

And I know firsthand that all of this is easier said than done—especially when your baby is frantic and you’re tense and worried about that initial latch. But getting the reflexes in the right order and getting that chin planted really does work like magic to help your baby open wide and get a deeper, pain-free latch.

Here’s an image so you can get a good idea of where your baby needs to be lined up in relation to your nipple. 

Sometimes It’s Just Harder

For most babies, getting them into position and waiting for the cue to have time to work is enough to get them to open wide. But sometimes that isn’t enough. You can do everything absolutely right… and they still don’t gape.

That’s not because they’re broken, or because you’re doing something wrong.

Some babies are just trickier than others when it comes to latching. They might be more sensitive to early cues, or have a lower tolerance before they get frustrated. That can make it harder.

Some anatomy types make it harder—especially if you have a lot of chest tissue or your nipples point down or out and you can’t see your baby’s mouth while feeding.

And some babies—especially those born just a little early (even if they were technically full term)—may still have immature connections between reflexes. It just takes them a little more time to figure things out.

And it’s OK. Learning to latch—and how to get your baby to open wide—is a process. You’ll get there. Nobody has fed your baby with your body before.

That’s why we troubleshoot—not because anything’s wrong with your baby, but because some babies need a bit more help organizing their reflexes in real time. With the right adjustments, this gets easier. And in most cases? It gets easier fast.

When Tension Gets in the Way

One more thing that’s often overlooked in the latching puzzle: tension and stress.

When babies are holding tension in their bodies—especially in the jaw, neck, or upper chest—it can mute or delay their reflexes. Sometimes you’ll see them try to gape, but their mouth doesn’t open fully… or they respond, but it’s so quick you don’t have time to do anything differently.

If your baby is tense or crying when you’re trying to latch them and they can’t gape? This is probably why. Their muscles are locked down a bit, and they can’t use them in a different way than they already are.

But if your baby is responding to the reflexive cue—just not opening fully or easily—then underlying body tension might be playing a role. Helping them relax outside of feeding (through your own gentle movements or with a provider who specializes in infant bodywork) can make a big difference in helping them get a deeper latch.

And don’t forget: your body sets the tone. If you’re tense and stressed when you’re trying to latch, that can make it harder for your baby to settle in and open wide. Whether you’re breastfeeding, chestfeeding, or doing a mix of both—sometimes just taking one deep breath before you start really can change how the latch goes.

Moving Forward with Confidence

Not opening widely enough to get a deep latch is one of the most common challenges I see with the families I work with—and if this is happening to you, you’re not alone.

And it’s definitely not because you’ve done anything wrong. The only person with built-in reflexes for latching is your baby. For you, every part of this is learned. And if you haven’t had the chance to watch other parents feed their babies up close, how could you possibly know what this was supposed to look like?

The fact that you already know that your baby not opening wide before latching is a problem? That means you’re already ahead of the game. You’re paying attention. You’re trying. You’re in it figuring things out as you go.

And whether your baby gapes a little or a lot, using their natural reflexes to guide the latch is the key to making feeding feel better—for both of you.

You’re not just troubleshooting a latch. You’re learning a rhythm together. And that rhythm? Once you find it (and you will), it’s going to be worth all the struggle.